Yesterday was an especially bad day for me. Client and personal issues combined to stir darkness in my soul in a ways that hadn’t happened in a while. I’ve always battled my own challenges with anxiety, but days like yesterday remind me just how rotten anxiety can be. My skin crawled as cortisol and adrenaline flooded my bloodstream. By the afternoon, I really thought I could burst.
Though my legs were sore and a storm brought heavy winds, I decided that I should run at least a couple of miles to try and burn off some of the bad juju. I changed my clothes and strapped on my running shoes and headed out. But before I could even begin, I field of sunflowers caught my attention; it was like they were waving at me. The winds had torn down a tree branch nearby, yet the sunflowers were bright yellow and flowed with the wind. Although I was in a crappy state, the sunflowers appeared happy: They were in the middle of a weed-trodden field bringing beauty to an otherwise drab field.
I wanted to run, but my attention was now with the sunflowers and rather than continue on my run, I went home and grabbed my camera so that I could capture something of what I saw so that I could reflect on why those sunflowers captured my attention. I snapped a few shots, and then went home and grabbed my pen and notebook and started scribbling.
Turns out, the flowers struck me because they were almost majestically facing a wind storm with brightness and strength while I faced my own storm with fear and anger that resulted from Anxiety. Those flowers reminded me that life will happen and sometimes, bad things will be a part of life’s plan. I scribbled and I scribbled and a poem germinated onto the page. After writing for about 2 hours, the Anxiety that wrecked my day was gone.
I highly recommend that if you struggle with Anxiety, find something beautiful and reflect on it. I can almost promise that in reflecting on something beautiful, anger cannot maintain its presence. I’ve said it before, but finding symbols of positive meaning can really disrupt bad juju.