The flames burned away the wretchedness of self-doubt

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I watched the flames dance and eat and I couldn’t help but become entranced.  Their sinewy movements hypnotized me and sent me into a place within myself that had been shielded; It’s like I’d been hiding from myself and needed something to strip away the veils that had been keeping me from seeing what I know to be true.

Although I had my camera and shot the flames, it was more like I was a part of the show, like somehow my camera lens connected me to the fire.  I could almost feel the lens heating; without a doubt, something inside of me was awakening as the flames consumed the cedar posts.  Although it had been a while, the pics I snapped reminded me of why I do what I do…

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I write.  I teach.  Everything else is just a means to those two ends.  The reality is that I lose myself in words and I become a part of something far bigger when I lead a classroom.  The truth is that I don’t really know how to do anything else — I write because if I don’t, the embers will fade and die out and my soul’s light would be stifled under the weight of forgoing who I am.

And so the fire danced.  Something new was born within the rising ash.  I could feel layers of self-doubt make their way out of me and into the night’s black sky.  You see, I was scheduled to start teaching again and I really began to wonder if I had it in me, anymore, to stand before people and guide them to something inside of themselves.  But in the fire’s glow, I could see myself creating a learning environment with other people and I actually felt the framework form, even as I was nowhere near a pen and paper.  I saw the lesson come together as the embers floated — it was as though they traced the topic for me.  All I had to do was get it on paper.

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I did and I led a successful class.  The doubt is gone and I am back where God’ image has always directed me to be……

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