The image below is striking to me. I think it captures the balance between morning dew and a petal. The dew drop is just hanging out and the petal is hosting it, like it’s just supposed to be that way. But I am willing to bet that there’s some potatohead or another out there who would ask that I fix the flower because the dew drop does not belong on the petal.
I spend a good chunk of my waking life fixing things that other people see as broken. Whether I’m treating a substance abuse issue or working within technology, There are problems that need solutions. A lot of the time, however, there’s really no problem. When someone presents a problem as they see it to me, they’re usually projecting out their own deficiencies and looking for something or someone to blame.
In those situations, I listen to the concern. Most of the time, though, I wonder softly, “does this person need help getting dressed in the morning?” I’m not being mean, it’s just that people describe problems without listening to themselves. It’s like they’ll look at the dew drop and say, “it doesn’t belong there, so take it off,” without any description about why the dew drop is a problem.
What people are really saying when they want something fixed is that whatever it is, it’s a problem for them. For example, here are a couple of sample conversations I often have:
Conversation #1
Mother: My daughter drinks too much. Fix her.
Me to Daughter: Is your drinking a problem for you?
Daughter to me: Nope.
Me to Mother: There’s no problem.
Conversation #2
Person to me: My computer is broken, fix it.
{I press the computer’s ‘on’ button}
Me to person: Umm, it’s on, what’s wrong with it?”
Person to me: It didn’t do that for me.
Me to person: There’s no problem.
And so on…
So, before you ask me (or someone like me) to take the dew off of the flower petal, ask yourself, “Why is this a problem, what is it preventing me from accomplishing?” That way, at least you can describe the problem you have with the dew drop (or with whatever you see as a problem). Chances are, I’ll still see the dew drop on the petal as the way it should be. But at least I won’t think that you need a special helmet to walk out of your house.
