Turns out, no one really is immune from Coronavirus, not even spiritual beings. Satan is now among the gazillions who have contracted the novel Coronavirus and Hell is now the spiritual epicenter. Satan, however, is at a loss about how he contracted it, “I have no idea. The only thing I can think is that I attended church services in Brooklyn a couple of weeks ago. That must’ve been where I was infected.” The novel coronavirus had been spreading like wildfire throughout the Earth and its reach has no limits.
Although there are no cases reported in Heaven, God isn’t taking any chances, “Well, now that Satan has it, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before an angel contracts it,” says God. “I’ll keep an eye on things, but we provide essential services that we simply can’t stop. Especially these days.”
Satan, however, isn’t taking any chances. “I’ve placed a six-week quarantine on Hell. This means that no demon can possess anyone until we’ve gotten a handle on our infection rate, Incubus or not. Believe me, after being knocked out for over a week, I wouldn’t wish this thing on anyone.” The quarantine in Hell includes all forms of demon to human contact, including even slight whispers of evil. “Being a leader, I have to do what’s best for my team and right now, what’s best for us is what’s best for everyone: We are staying home.”
Because coronavirus affects everyone differently, Satan’s legions aren’t sure what to expect. Some demons report hearing loss, some report a funny itch on their butts. But so far, of the positive cases in Hell, the one thing they all reports is, “this thing sucks.”
Satan has no idea when Hell will return to normal. There appears to be no rush to opening the possession door. “Humans tend to be filthy and until they start washing up, I really can’t say when things will get back to normal, whatever the new normal is. We’ll start with six weeks and go from there.”
