A while back, I was in a meeting with a group of program managers in a typical conference room that was outfitted with the stock table, chairs, and conference phone. I don’t recall the topic of the meeting. I do, however, remember this particular conference room because in addition to the usual conference-roomy stuff, there was a framed poster hanging on the wall. It was a sailboat out at sea that was captioned, “The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. (The captioned quote is attributed to William Arthur Ward)” I liked that poster, as I’ve always considered myself something other than either a pessimist or an optimist.
I’d like to think that I adjust to changing circumstances. Plus, I try to act instead of feel. See, the pessimist feels badly about the wind, while the optimist tries to feel ok with it. The realist doesn’t appear to feel, but actually acts by way of adjusting sails that will harness the wind’s energy for an advantageous purpose. In my teaching and writing life, I take what most consider a crappy circumstance, Addiction, and try to learn as much as I can from it.
Studying and treating Addiction has reinforced the idea, over and over again, that we need to believe in our own capabilities. This belief is absolutely critical, not only to gaining recovery, but to having a healthy life, period. If a person does not believe him or herself capable of achieving any given goal, then that person is doomed to never even try.
So, before a realist can adjust the sails, he needs to believe that he can. Feelings should not tie his hands and he should have a sense of purpose. Finally, he should believe that adjusting the sails will be meaningful and valuable to him and his shipmates. Otherwise, he’ll just be another chronic feeler too atrophied to actually act…
