As a substance abuse counselor, I don’t think it’s to big of a stretch to say that the worst kinds of addicts are those who don’t think that they’re addicts. They’re as self-destructive as anyone in an AA meeting and there are problems surrounding them: Their wives/husbands hate them, they’re isolated except with their addiction, and they justify/rationalize everything they do. These addicts are hard to live with and even harder to treat. I mean, how anyone solve a problem that doesn’t exist?
Within the group of addicts who don’t think they’re addicts are an even more frustrating subset of addicts whose problems aren’t even associated with any kind of drug: The Workaholic. Now, workaholics almost never see themselves as addicts. The entire family could have the “we need to talk” talk and still, the workaholic will not budge. The thing is, though, that a workaholic is as much of an “aholic” as the alcoholic or heroinaholic. It’s just that the workaholic has to work, just like the rest of us. But unlike the rest of us, compulsive fear drives the workaholic, just as compulsive fear drives every other addict.
It’s hard to deal with workaholics because they expect everyone else to be workaholics. That’s where their self-destructiveness kicks in. See, a heroinaholic doesn’t expect that others should use heroin. Nor does an alcoholic expect others to binge drink themselves stupid. But workaholics expect that everyone around them devote every waking hour to work, just like they do. If someone understands work/life balance, the workaholic judges her as uncommitted. If someone goes to bed at ten PM, the workaholic dubs him as lazy. If someone takes a lunch break, the workaholic deems them as having an eating disorder. Non-workaholics, or rather, normal people, frustrate workaholics into a harmful cycle.
When normal people work, they do as best they can and go home. But the workaholic believes that there’s more work to be done and when a normal person goes home, the workaholic has to stay working until all the work is done. But here’s the rub: Work will never be done and this is the root of the workaholic’s fear.
My advice to workaholics is to try and remember that family is just as important, if not more so, than work. I am a recovered workaholic and I can say from both a clinical and personal perspective, doing anything out of fear probably will lead to bad things. So, while work is important, finding balance doesn’t make anyone weak, lazy, or gluttonous. And if your family wants to have “the talk,” please remember that they don’t hate you or your job. Those lazy bums just want to stress you out in a different, but loving, way.
