Robert Frost said that nature’s first green is gold. I’ve done all I can to live through what I understand his words to mean. At the beginning of every day, there is magical potential in what the morning can yield. However, as the day passes, mundane and lifeless can consume the golden dawn. The innocence and hope of the beginning loses its magic to the dreary regularity of life.
Expanded to humanity, Frost seemed to think that childhood is like each day’s dawn. Children see life through a lens of magical innocence. As they grow older, they can lose that innocence to the hardships that life undoubtedly brings.
But do we have to lose the magical potential of dawn and childhood? No. We don’t. I am certain because my own source of magic, my wife CJ, gave me a replica of Eddie Van Halen’s “frankenstrat” as my birthday gift this year. I couldn’t believe it. When I opened the box, all the magic of my own childhood flooded into my fingers when I held the neck. Her eyes beamed heaven onto my whole body, as she watched me crumble into the guitar and connect with something far bigger than me.
Over the years, I can say that in many ways, I’ve lost the gold. In doing so, I can also say that I’ve lost myself. I don’t believe I was ever supposed to be a fearful or angry person. But career choices I’ve made have jaded me and turned any hope into cynicism. But I remembered what hope, innocence, and magic felt like when I first played Frankie. And I also saw, beyond clearly, that I am worthy of the deep love and support I have at home.
I owe that love a return to magical potential. I can’t live in fear any more. In the magic of my birthday, I received a love that escapes expression, but is as real as the day’s dawn. The guitar will always represent my own first green that speckles CJ’s eyes. Magic wins.
