I failed him. No excuse. i’m a substance abuse counselor, licensed to work in schools and I did nothing to prevent his murder. Maybe if I were in the schools I could have reached at least one of the kids involved. I know I could have done more. But it’s all I’m about these days: shoulda, coulda, woulda. That’s it. I am mad because I know there’s hope and I know there’s opportunity but i’ve not done enough to teach it.
A few weeks ago, a community leader publicly called me a “coconut.” This is a derogatory name that latinos use against each other and it meas that I’m brown on the outside but white on the inside. Ultimately, it means that I’m a sell-out and have turned my back on my people. I was furious at the name and made may anger known to the person who called me that horrible epithet. After all, I do counsel spanish-speaking people about recovery. But the truth is, maybe he was right, maybe I am a sell-out. Maybe i’ve become too concerned with my own life and have forgotten from where I came. i’d like to think I haven’t, but when young people continue to kill each other, I can’t help but ask myself: Where were you? as a counselor, i was no where to be found.
Not only that, but all adults in santa fe are also to blame for what’s happening to our kids. we’re so damn concerned these days with the stupid pandemic and economic uncertainty that we’re ignoring the most marginalized people in town: People under 18, who are economically disadvantaged, and are mostly of color. I am furious at the adults who allowed a bunch of minors to party at their home long after midnight. They should be held be accountable. there’s simply no excuse to allow minors to party especially if damn alcohol and drugs were used. These stupid people who allow their minor children to party and use alcohol and carry weapons are as much as the problem as drugs and guns and poverty.
But I can’t control those idiots nor is my karma to carry. They will have to answer for what they’ve allowed. I can only answer for my own lack of action and my own failings as a parent, uncle, and counselor. I promise my santa fe that I will do better and bring more attention to ways that we can and should improve the lives of our kids. i’m starting with myself and I call upon everyone to do the same. This stupidity CAN’T continue. We failed JB. Every god-damned one of us failed and it has to change.
