Writing a book is really hard. I’ve written a few, but it never gets easier. I remember someone saying at a writing group in which I used to participate that a writer knows when they’re writing her truth when she starts repeating herself. If that’s the case, then I must way be writing my truth, because all I seem to do is repeat myself.
My last book came out in 2016. Since then, I’ve been scribbling about ghosts and demons and angels and my experiences with each. Doing substance abuse work, especially with heroin and meth addicts, has really exposed me to some horrible things. But through those horrible things, I’ve learned to appreciate and recognize miracles, even thought they can be quite simple. But trying to get these experiences written in such a way that both make sense while not making me seem like a meth addict has been challenging.
Plus, when I sit down to write, one of two (2) things happens: 1) I realize that I’ve already written something similar; or, 2) I start wondering if it’s even worth writing. Although I’ve experienced some success with my books, I can’t help but think about sale-ability and marketing. I mean, I know that I have a pretty good platform and all, but does it sell? I mean, I know, for a fact, that people can heal from suffering, but the work it takes, while simple, is the hardest thing to do.
So I write and I write repeating myself a gazillion times along the way. Maybe an editor could help me organize my thoughts into a coherent product. Then again, I haven’t had much luck with editors in the past. I rely on my mestizaje so much that I think editors have often missed the point of my work. I believe that the mixture of languages and cultures of which my psychology is composed is my greatest asset. That mixture, my mestizaje, is what drives my writing. But editors don’t get it.
Yet I write and write and repeat myself. But It’s not like i’m gonna stop writing. it’s just that I’ve written a ton of material that’s about as organized as a crow’s nest. I’ve lost track of where the book starts and where it ends. Yeah, writing a book is really hard. Maybe the “book writing fairy” will leave a manuscript under my pillow tonight. Why not? it’s about as likely as finishing on my own…
