One of the things I’m for which I’m always advocating is the idea of understanding triggers. The method that I teach to understand those triggers is reflective writing. So, I think I need to practice my own teaching.
Yesterday, the Mayor of Santa Fe issued a press release announcing his “transition team.” In reading the names, I recognized several former City of Santa Fe employees with whom I worked. However, one name, in particular stood out and anger rushed inside of me to the point of almost becoming sick. See, there was a time when I thought that I would actually serve the City of Santa Fe for my entire career. I had put in approximately eight years there and I had been a part of major changes. To this day, several software applications that I either built or installed are still operational.
But, then, someone hired a certain person in a leadership role at the City of Santa Fe. This person taught me just how corrupt a person could be on the job. Because of my technical capability, this individual exploited me; he had me “spy” on staff that he did not like, I heard he was cited for several sexual harassment violations, but the worst of it all was when he preached about the value of taking kickbacks from vendors after a “dog and pony show” that he and I attended. After working with this person for a relatively short time, I hated my job and left the City of Santa Fe after several years and good work. All the good that I once believed in at that time was destroyed.
In spite of his appointment, and because it makes me so sick to think that this person is back, I stepped into myself to understand the rush of anger. Really, I think the reason I became so angry is that, looking back, I allowed this person who is not only inept, but also corrupt, to bait me and bait me until he didn’t have to deal with me anymore. You see, I began challenging everything he said and became a thorn in his side. He became hostile towards me to the point where I simply walked out of my job. It was the first and only time I ever ran away from a fight and I still regret that I allowed someone like this weasel to get the better of me.
Well, he’s back and, while I can’t do anything about his appointment, I know, after reflection, that my anger is telling me that I’ll need to do more to pick up the detritus that will surely be left behind after this “transition team” does its business. This city is mine and corrupt weasels won’t win this time. I don’t care what I have to do; I will fight for my city against the history of corruption. I may still be angry and triggered, but I will use this anger to undo the damage this new administration will surely do.
