Rustling rivers have always calmed me. I lose track of the realities I face within the rushing water’s song. A few weeks ago, I brought my sax with me to the river’s edge to practice. I played along with the rhythm beating against and through the earth. Whether I’m “good” or “bad” at playing the sax is largely irrelevant. What matters to me is that whatever sadness or longing or regret I feel transform into sounds that blend into the current and that blending restores my mental, emotional, and spiritual capacity.
There’s no such thing as someone who never experiences the darkness that life can present. Everybody hurts, sometimes. And, in my experience, everybody chases something to fill the gaps that invariably develop within our souls. Over the last several years, I have learned that there’s no way to avoid sadness or emptiness. Engaging in life equates to falling short sometimes. The best way for me to process those dark times is through prayer and meditation. Playing sax on a river’s edge has proven to be the highest form of meditation for me.
I don’t know if playing sax along a river’s edge is for everyone. However, I do know that praying and meditating connects souls to the side of reality that is infinite and wholly benevolent. When I play, I lose track of where I am and even to a large extent, who I am. This isn’t a bad thing. Our ego is largely an illusion. Who we “are” is almost always someone else’s creation.
Regardless of ego philosophy, I am certain that praying and meditating soothes and connects us to something bigger. I can’t tell anyone how to pray. People’s prayer methods are as unique as their fingerprints. But in quieting the mind and allowing our souls to blend with creation, we can find peace, even if only for a fleeting moment.
Whether or not I’m a “good” sax player is not important to me. What is important is that any hurt I feel processes into harmonic noise. When I find those moments to sit along the river’s edge, I know that I will connect to the source of all that’s good and strong and beautiful. The resulting light consumes any darkness that I face.
