Change is difficult. However, individuals, families, and organizations at one point or another all value and desire behavioral change. In my experience, the desire is often based upon discomfort with a current behavior. However, even though the desire can be high, changing is still challenging. The primary reason why changing a behavior is difficult is because people often fail to understand the reasons behind a behavior. This lack of understanding is what keeps people in uncomfortable (or even painful) situations.
You might make the argument that fear is what keeps people from changing. Really, I agree. A closer look at fear, however, yields a lack of understanding. We’re often afraid to look past our current situations because we don’t really know how we will handle the differences that we’ll face. That lack of knowledge is scary and because no one really knows what will happen after a change, we tend to atrophy in fear.
Here’s the thing: If we look at a behavior that we want to change and ask, “Why do I do this in the first place?”, I believe that we can learn why it needs to change. Among my guiding principles is that people will stay in uncomfortable situations if they view the current behaviors as easier and less painful than new behaviors. People will seek change when their current situations are more painful than changed behaviors. That is, people will change if they understand that the changed behavior will be less painful than the current behavior.
Therefore, in order to come to that understanding, people really do have to understand why they behave as they do. If they don’t, they will never really embrace changes long enough for them to become the “new normal.” Only when they learn that the basis for a behavior is no longer necessary and helpful will they really adapt to a new behavior.
For example, people use substances for a myriad of reasons. Regardless of the reasons, in order to move away from substance use, learning why they started using in the first place is the starting point. There is value is using substances, and to not accept that statement is to miss the entry point into change. Most of the time, when someone wants to get clean, he realizes that he no longer gains that value from using. But it takes a hard look at the basis of the substance use and acceptance that changing, though difficult, will provide more value than continuing to use.
Change is difficult. But understanding the basis of a behavior is always the key in changing it. I’ve been a driving force in several changes and I know that until a person, family, or organization learns why it behaves as it does will it actually change.
For more about change, please visit this site and/or read this.
