I’ve been providing “pro bono” substance abuse treatment for almost ten (10) years now. However, I haven’t taken on any cases for one reason and one reason only: Addict’s families simply don’t want to recognize that they are part of the problem and have no desire to be part of the solution. More often than not, addicts represent a systemic breakdown, whether that system is familial, societal, or both. However, people want the addict to make wholesale and hugely significant changes while they remain exactly the same.
To those families I say, “WAKE THE EFF UP!” Addicts don’t always have the internal resources to make the changes they need to make and the stupid reality is that your bitching and begging doesn’t do much but make them even more aware of how little capability they have. Addiction is an anxiety disorder, plain and simple, and adding shame only makes the conditions that lead to addiction worse.
I know a man who thinks of little more than how to get his son into treatment. The thing is, his son has no real desire to enter treatment. As a matter of fact, if the son had it his way, he would stay on heroin permanently. The son does express willingness to get clean and healthy, but that expression is more about placating his father and gaining temporary sympathy as a distraction. However, the father is just as unhealthy as his son and is always hustling to keep bill collectors off his back. The thing that annoys me the most is that the father manipulates everyone with emotion. Really, he uses emotion exactly as his son does to get his objectives met. The only functional difference is that the son uses heroin.
Over the years, I’ve tried to get the father to see that his son is basically modeling his behavior. But it doesn’t work. All the father wants to see is that his son needs to get treatment. While I don’t disagree, I also see the son blaming everyone for his addiction and doesn’t ever really humble himself enough to see that his situation is his responsibility. I’ve been around addiction all my life and the one key factor that indicates true readiness to change is humility.
Now, I’m not talking emotional self-pitying. Addicts are really good at that. What I’m talking about is a real recognition that life is valuable and addiction detracts from that value. However, people in general don’t often want to recognize life’s value and live as though they are the center of the universe. So, when solipsistic mentalities are taught, how in hell can someone with an addiction see connectedness?
Therefore, I’ve been on a break from substance abuse work. I’ve yet to see when my break will end.
