In my next life, I will be the bean dude at taco bell. That is, I will be the person who takes bean powder, adds just the right amount of water, and mixes until the beans are the perfect consistency. Once the beans are perfect, then and only then will I allow them to be placed within your burrito. At least, that’s my dream.

It’s not that I consider myself a bean expert. Really, I’m much better at developing and implementing technology solutions. But I want to prove that an old dog can learn new tricks. Bean tech is something I’ve never tried to master. Plus, making the perfect bean batch would be quite meaningful. All too often, I’ve ordered a bean burrito from Taco Bell and the beans were either too dry or worse, too liquidy. It’s getting to be a bigger and bigger problem, too. Many people I know complain about taco bell bean consistency. At this point, I’m amazed that the Taco Bell people aren’t searching craig’s list for an experienced bean dude who can save the burrito day!

Although I don’t really want to change careers at this point in my life, I simply can’t continue allowing this bean problem to grow unchecked. Besides, I don’t get to code or fix stuff too much anymore. Nowadays, my technology career consists of contracts, purchase orders, and invoices. Now that I think about it, I’ve gotten so good at paperwork, I can even advise taco bell’s burrito wrapper person!

It will be nice to get back into more “hands on” work. It’ll be good exercise, too. I figure the bean powder comes in 50 pound bags. Lifting 10 of those suckers a day would easily be the equivalent of lifting weights for two hours! I’ll get get the muscular frame we all desire while performing a key public service.

I do hope I can achieve my dream of becoming the bean dude at taco bell. Maybe I’ll even get to wear a hair net as part of my costume, er, uniform. Even if I don’t, I have a dream of making the perfect batch of beans, over and over again. No procurement code. No irate vendors. And no lawyers arguing about whether a sentence in a contract should read “shall” or “can.” Nothing but bean powder, water, and old fashioned elbow grease, ever day until I die. Pure heaven.

One day, when you bite into the perfect taco bell bean burrito, you know that my dream came true…