Let the uneasiness come



Today, the pre-dawn sky seemed darker than usual.   It could be a sign that things may get rough; could also be a sign that I got out of bed earlier than usual.  The darkness could even have been no sign at all.  Regardless, I needed to settle an uneasy feeling with which I awoke.  Perhaps I was haunted as I slept. Maybe hellhounds chased me around in the ethereal dream world.  Couldn’t be sure.  I don’t typically remember my dreams, but I also don’t usually wake up with uneasy feelings either.

When I do have those strange unsettling feelings, I have come to know that the best way for them to dissipate is to create something.  I’ll sit down at my desk and let the feelings rise and swell.  There’s no hard and set plan that works every time.  But, I do know that letting feelings flow eliminates their energy.  Especially when I pick up my guitar and let whatever comes out take life: I know that there’s no way that feelings can store when they’ve taken flight along their six-stringed path.

I plugged in my ’64 Telecaster and adjusted the knobs.  I put on my headphones so that I didn’t awaken the whole neighborhood with my needed noodling.  I played whatever came out, no chart, no desired song, no nothing.  I just played whatever poured out form my fingers.  I have no clue if what I’m doing is “good,” I just play and let feelings flow.

For me, allowing uneasiness to ride itself out is the best cure.  There may have been a time when smoking a joint would’ve taken the edge off, but now, I’ve learned that I, as we all do, have a need to create and express.  I don’t fear the dark feelings that can arise from haunting dreams or from unpaid bills or from car repairs.  Instead, I channel those feelings and use them like fuel.  All feelings are fuel and I have no reason on Earth to dislike their discomfort.  The uneasy feelings with which I awoke are gone now and I am ready to face the day, whatever it may bring.  And if I happen to find bad juju, I’ll save it until I can get to my desk and ride them out for another meditation.

I captured a portion of this morning’s swelling and release:

It may not be any good, it may be awesome.  Either way, this mediation comforted me as i suspect any meditation can.  All I can say for sure is: Let the uneasiness come.  I can use the fuel.